Medical thingy I want

[ciphergoth]

This post is about mucus.

My nose has been not right since birth, and surgery both then and more recently has not entirely fixed the problem. So I produce a lot of mucus. If I swallow it all, it makes me feel ill, but I'm finding my current ways of getting rid of it unsatisfactory.

The device I want is like a jar with two straws sticking out of the lid. One straw is at right angles so I can put it in my mouth, and the other is connected to a pump which sucks air out of the jar. I put the straw in my mouth, press the button, the pump operates, and the mucus goes into the jar. Ideally, the pump stops operating if the jar gets full. Disgustingly, the jar would need to be poured down the loo from time to time, but I'm short of non-disgusting mucus management strategies.

Does such a thing exist? Would it be hard to make? Is there a better option?

Thanks for reading my mucus musings.

Comments

[xanna.livejournal.com]

I've been slightly envious of the kids' solution (for before kids can blow their noses, so pre-nasal rather than post-nasal) which is a mini turkey-baster that sucks, and you have to clear out frequently. I don't think it would work for us, though.
I've also thought about the suction tubes that surgeon's assistants use for gore, and other care workers and dental nurses use for drool. I think it's a big bit of kit, though.
Good luck in finding something!

[thekumquat.livejournal.com]

Snot-suckers are remarkably effective - I've extracted over 5mls from the quatlet before.

They're also small enough to discreetly keep in a pocket, then you could turn and de-snot your nose and clean the thing out later.

Although would only work on the nose - if the gunge is going from sinuses direct to back of the mouth it might not work. But they're only a couple quid from the chemist if you wanted to try.

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Great turn of phrase - "that man is a total snot-sucker!"

[ajva.livejournal.com]

Disturbingly close to a Homer Simpson Duff beer cap, then. I suggest an opaque, covered jar for the sake of the rest of us.

[jhg.livejournal.com]

The opportunities for Beer/Mucus Hat confusion-related japery seem to open before me into infinity... like a mushroom-assisted geometric game board.

[marnanel.livejournal.com]

Since we're into mild grossness territory already:

I don't have your problem, in most cases. But on the occasions I get a even a slight cold, I have problems which remind me of yours. I have in the past resorted to sucking it down into my mouth, and spitting it into the loo. This appears to me to be equivalent to your idea, except that you would be spitting it into the jar.

This also works beautifully to clear the nose after a severe nosebleed.

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

It's what to do with it after I suck it into my mouth that's the trouble - I don't want to dash off to the loo every five minutes.

[marnanel.livejournal.com]

I see. But if you spat into a jar, and occasionally poured the jar down the loo, wouldn't it be equivalent (use of pressure to clear the nose, and jar as cache) to your proposed solution above?

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

The purpose of the proposal above is to make the process of transferring mucus from mouth to jar less gross for me and witnesses as well as more comfortable and - crucially - more reliable.

[envoy.livejournal.com]

You could probably get something very close to what you want by doing some simple modifications on an electric breast pump. You can probably pick one up used on ebay. They go cheap because of people's worry about sterility but that's not a problem for you, you're not doing anything with the... um... extracted material (if you are, I don't want to know.)

[ergotia.livejournal.com]

Please be gentle with me here, but could you be lactose intolerant? As far as I can tell this condition really does exist and really can cause excessive production of mucus.

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I hadn't thought of that! According to Wikipedia, lactose intolerance is actually the normal state of mammals, and what's unusual is the way that some human beings defer its onset by continuing to consume milk throughout our lives. I'll look into it - thanks love!

[juliet]

yes; in particular Caucasian humans, IIRC. I appear to have generated mild lactose intolerance in myself by becoming vegan.

Harold McGee talks about this a bit in the Giant Food Book, I think.

I have of late been finding a neti pot surprisingly good for clearing out the tubes a bit (despite being heavily sceptical when dogrando & marnameow were talking about them), but it's not really a regular-all-the-time solution as per what I think you're after.

[lovingboth]

There's an interesting bit in one of Richard Dawkin's books about how humans have evolved to cope with cow's milk just as cows have evolved because of us.

[weegoddess.livejournal.com]

Dear one, I spent 12 years as a specialist in swallowing disorders. Mucous doesn't even warrant a blink. ;-/

I'm not sure that anything like what you describes exists, but have you looked into neti pots? I've never used one, but they seem to help a lot of people.

And you never, ever have to apologise about bodily functions to me. Just saying.

[ladycat.livejournal.com]

I was going to sugest neti pots. hsw has used them and found it realy helpful.

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

I've used an aerosol-like thing that squirts saline up your nose, which is like a neti pot but easier and more convenient.

[strangerover.livejournal.com]

A cylinder / container pre-evacuated with a push button valve and removable sealing lid...
Maybe there is something existing medical / automotive or engineering?

[barakta]

Your jar devices exist and make a f-ing racket. I have a more severe version of your thing which was /eventually/ 'corrected' as much as poss by surgery aged 9. I had tubes up my nose and the electronic sucky jar thing and tubes to suck the snot out of them...

I'm not convinced there is a pleasant quiet way of clearing snot out of faces but I have been known to hack up into a mug for the purpose when ill or a hanky. Even when not ill I have phases where I do just need to go to a bathroom away from humans and hack it all out.

I asked an ENT bod about lactose intolerance and they weren't convinced. One thing to watch out for in case it's not obvious is calcium intake if you cut out dairy that and hidden dairy sources which I think might be an issue if it's intolerances you're wanting to test.

Have you been offered medication management of snot systems? IIRC that's what they do when surgery has done all it can. I'm permanently on one antihistamine and a snorter spray and have been advised to try sinus washouts and I find taking an additional different antihistamine all the time and a decongestant spray when it's very bad has helped - but is still not "normal" snot levels.