Medical thingy I want

[ciphergoth]

This post is about mucus.

My nose has been not right since birth, and surgery both then and more recently has not entirely fixed the problem. So I produce a lot of mucus. If I swallow it all, it makes me feel ill, but I'm finding my current ways of getting rid of it unsatisfactory.

The device I want is like a jar with two straws sticking out of the lid. One straw is at right angles so I can put it in my mouth, and the other is connected to a pump which sucks air out of the jar. I put the straw in my mouth, press the button, the pump operates, and the mucus goes into the jar. Ideally, the pump stops operating if the jar gets full. Disgustingly, the jar would need to be poured down the loo from time to time, but I'm short of non-disgusting mucus management strategies.

Does such a thing exist? Would it be hard to make? Is there a better option?

Thanks for reading my mucus musings.

Comments

[jhg.livejournal.com]

The opportunities for Beer/Mucus Hat confusion-related japery seem to open before me into infinity... like a mushroom-assisted geometric game board.