The good: ( acro and dance and arnold memorial and games. also apparently keith and i were the last outsiders to see arnold )
Oh and Thursday I got together with cousin Shana and then went out to the blues, and they birthday jammed me and that was a good night too.
I forget what I did with Wednesday. I had a lot of lost days.
That out of the way (I don't remember when I last actually wrote) the bad:
Back on Tuesday I'd made sure to write the "here's what I composed to [coop apartment building] and here's some different pictures which would you like to use" and sent that to Stepmother and Billy, for Billy to be able to talk with her about it, which he'd said he'd intended to do later that night. Late that night I also forwarded to Cheryl, Stepmother's friend. Next day I texted Cheryl that she had email.
Some time in the next days I left a vmx for Cheryl; hell if I know exactly what I said, but it was probably about stepmother not being particularly communicative and I'm running into a deadline re wash post and was hoping you could talk with her about some of this.
Friday midday (my actual birthday, yo) right in and around my getting rained out, I get the text from Billy that he's finally gotten around to talking with Stepmother: ( chatlog with billy, in which he tells me what SM's thoughts are about obit/condo/etc and i'm frustrated with how long this took )
So that was lovely. I'd spent a lot of time on the phone with Dad's old law clerk on Thursday, as well as the guy who succeeded Dad. And the former had been in contact with NYTimes, who asked that we send justification for why they should write something. He'd first left a vmx back the 18th, but then found someone else to contact a few days prior. And I'd just verified with the Post that I had another couple days.
Because I hadn't ever gotten the conversation I was hoping for, to think these things through.
Post had indeed reported that he'd cleared his name, but buried it in an article about him stepping down. Law Clerk says that reporter's no longer around. Also that they missed that his legal fees had been paid by the administration. Also that Sec of Labor had later emailed that he'd not been aware of what they'd tried to do.
Soyeah, I still had my misgivings.
Except I feel very strongly that a news obit is warranted.
I'm less pissed about it all now, but I'm still pretty pissed at how fscking long it took anybody to talk with her to suss any of this out. And that I've /still/ not had any verbal contact with her in the 28 days since Dad died.
I'm way less pissed with Stepmother than the others. And so then
Later on Friday, just before I meet up with BadM I look at my email and I've got an email back from Stepmother. On Wednesday I'd gotten a note from her about checking out Walmart and looking forward to Aldi and the doctor says how she's feeling is to be expected etc, and I hadn't figured out what to say back, because it was the most normal email i'd ever gotten from her and I hadn't really had any time to get back to it in part because Ed the Law Clerk told stories for 2 hours and 15 min when he called Thursday mid morning. ( stepmother sent a note that her friend cheryl had told her I thought she was combative, and she doesn't think she's been combative and is weirded out especially since she'd been opening up personally. i sent a note of what on earth and no i haven't found you combative and dunno maybe garbled voicemail. )
And of course I have trouble sleeping Friday night because WTF. And it's all complicated anyway because a better relationship with Stepmother means potentially having her be my problem when she needs help.
I eventually realize that most likely I'd said 'uncommunicative' in the voicemail and that was misheard. Joy.
So today I decide to text Cheryl, who I already didn't trust but WTF-ing Fsck. For a reminder to the reader, she's the one who called me to tell me Dad had died, who I had to message from Talya's phone before she started replying to texts (pretty sure she'd blocked me some months prior after picking a fight with me for no reason I could quite divine) and who had had this conversation with me several weeks back when I was unblocked:
Me: Mar 22 4:48 PM the friday after Dad died; no response to message on the day
... Prob should talk with Jean about notice/obit in the Post up here, also informing Harbour Square. Can do these things but don't want to do so without some coordination. Also I don't know if he has an in memory charity. Should look to see if fsh maybe. And is there a funeral home site or a place people can post memories? His page isn't set up for that. I suppose I could create a Remembering page/group. Will talk with cousin.
Cheryl: Mar 22 4:48 PM
Definitely talk with Jean these are her decisions. You setting up a separate memory page/group would be a great idea. Jean would know of his favorite charity.
Me: Mar 22 5:05 PM
Have gotten some pictures from her but no words.
Cheryl: Mar 22 5:20 PM
Try emailing her. She knows of your message to me now.
I'll speak with funeral home tomorrow
Me: Mar 22 5:24 PM
Do y'all have a timeline in mind for Florida stuff?
Cheryl: Mar 22 5:42 PM
No. [SM] does not have a date now.
Me: Mar 22 8:28 PM
Ok. Sounds like I can cancel next week's flights and mostly figure I can make early April plans?
Cheryl: Mar 22 8:55 PM
[SM] has not made plans for either location now.
Cheryl: Mar 22 9:31 PM
You need to email [SM]. I have forwarded her your texts
Me: Mar 22 9:43 PM
Thanks. I do not have Brain to compose email just now but will figure I can make DC plans the next few weeks and probably birthday plans for the 12th.
Cheryl: Mar 22 10:27 PM
I'll see [stepmother] tomorrow
...and then later that evening I found the 'you do have my email address...right?' email from Stepmother, in reply to an email I'd sent a couple days prior, asking about a picture she'd sent.
Me: Mar 25 7:28 PM
Thanks. Any news?
Cheryl Mar 25 7:31 PM
Me: Wednesday 11:42 AM
Hey... Forwarded an email to you. When is a good time to talk?
the email forwarded had been the 'hey i've composed this to go out to the building, and here are a few pics to choose between.'
So there's the stage. Recent interaction hadn't been particularly useful, but hadn't been completely wtf. And to remind the reader, since this is already incredibly long, "cheryl tells me that you said I am being 'confrontational.'
Soyeah. Today I text Cheryl. Not only did it not go well, but WTFing Fsck.
(Oh, and I also, earlier, had spent some time on the phone with someone else in FL, who doesn't trust Cheryl and won't be in the same space as Billy, and also wasn't completely firing on all cylinders because she seemed unable to retain that i'm dealing with them because I'm not able to get any answers from Stepmother
and OMFG uncertainty is one of the things that drives me batshit. I spend a lot of time getting mad at people and apologizing of late. And what seems to set me flying off the handle is people not getting what I think I've been clear about, which is a pretty inconvenient state of affairs as most likely i'm not clear. Or perhaps they're not listening. Or have insufficient context)
It did not go well:
Me: Sunday 3:08 PM
Recent email from Jean implies there has been some miscommunication between you and me. When can you and I talk?
Cheryl: Sun 3:08 PM
No miscommunication. Jean listened to your voice mail message and words. She hears, sees and reads all communication I receive and send with and to you.
Me: Sun 3:10 PM
in that case, maybe you need to listen to it with her again.
Because the email I got from her was that you had said that I said she was being 'combative.'.
I do not remember exactly what I said on your voicemail but I can assure you I have not even thought the word 'combative.'.
I can imagine having said something about her being uncommunicative, which, in the circumstances, was/is completely understandable and I would have thought I would have included that too as why I was hoping you and she might speak.
Thank you for responding so quickly. It's been a source of great stress for the last several days.
Cheryl: Sun 3:21 PM
Don't need to listen again [Vval]. Enough
Me: Sun 3:22 PM
Cheryl, somehow either garbled voicemail or miscommunication between you and Jean left her thinking I thought she was being combative. I said no such thing, and have thought no such thing.
I have welcomed what interaction she and I have had this month, and I very much would like to clear up this painful miscommunication, so I am glad you will be showing her this text.
Cheryl: Sun 5:35 PM
And keeping your voice mail. Take care
Me: Sun 5:36 PM
If you can figure out how to forward voicemail to me I'd appreciate.
... and then at about 20 to midnight I got a plethora of messages all at once stretching back to maybe 6pm Saturday, so I don't know whether this was somewhere near the above or later:
[Vval]. She can listen. Some day you will understand what the word "enough" means
It's of course fully nuts that i've spent this much time writing about all of this. It's been a whole hour, and I could and should have gone to bed ages prior. As of Friday I was already far more annoyed with BIlly and Cheryl than Stepmother, but at this point I'm not only pissed, but feeling helpless, as well as in bizzarro world.
I'm seriously thinking of sending Stepmother the chatlog.
I'm not minding dropping the Post, except that NYTimes is probably going to say no. Which is unfortunate, as the whistleblower and worker protections angle could be really cool.
Oh lovely. Email's come in just now from Stepmother. I'm debating reading it. Will it be understanding or escalation?
Fuck it. I'll read it and copy it here, and try to go to bed 'cause it's 3am.
Ok, good that I looked; composing a reply to
I'm sorry you are stressed. I am stressed also. Apart from being unable to think of much other than Nahmie's and my last few hours together, I am doing income tax. Have you ever done income taxes..?
I guess Cheryl showed her the interaction as promised.
I'm still wtf.
edit: Argh, it's 4a. I spent so much time dithering about how much to say on little things that replying quickly isn't there anyway.
edit: 4:52 am. man i spent a lot of time editing and reediting a story about taxes. Probably should have left it to morning but then I would have had to have a different signoff than that the birds were chirping and must bed.
I wish my ear would stop hurting. oddly i think the pressure has more to do with my neck than my sinuses.
I asked on FB about memorial sites. There've been a bunch of comments and an offer to put one up. I think what I'll do is get a death notice in some time soon and mention a memorial site and hope people add memories to that.
hm. well i thought it was good to look and respond when it came in but i thought i'd take 10 min not 2 hrs.
Also been reading about emotional exhaustion.
Which probably explains a lot.
Edit: I am also realizing that I am way less angry with SM than my readers are at this point. She's newly widowed after 30+ years, and wasn't doing great before that. I took her most recent email to mean she'd accepted that I didn't find her combative, however the hell that notion took hold.