Medical thingy I want

[ciphergoth]

This post is about mucus.

My nose has been not right since birth, and surgery both then and more recently has not entirely fixed the problem. So I produce a lot of mucus. If I swallow it all, it makes me feel ill, but I'm finding my current ways of getting rid of it unsatisfactory.

The device I want is like a jar with two straws sticking out of the lid. One straw is at right angles so I can put it in my mouth, and the other is connected to a pump which sucks air out of the jar. I put the straw in my mouth, press the button, the pump operates, and the mucus goes into the jar. Ideally, the pump stops operating if the jar gets full. Disgustingly, the jar would need to be poured down the loo from time to time, but I'm short of non-disgusting mucus management strategies.

Does such a thing exist? Would it be hard to make? Is there a better option?

Thanks for reading my mucus musings.

Comments

[ergotia.livejournal.com]

Please be gentle with me here, but could you be lactose intolerant? As far as I can tell this condition really does exist and really can cause excessive production of mucus.

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I hadn't thought of that! According to Wikipedia, lactose intolerance is actually the normal state of mammals, and what's unusual is the way that some human beings defer its onset by continuing to consume milk throughout our lives. I'll look into it - thanks love!

[juliet]

yes; in particular Caucasian humans, IIRC. I appear to have generated mild lactose intolerance in myself by becoming vegan.

Harold McGee talks about this a bit in the Giant Food Book, I think.

I have of late been finding a neti pot surprisingly good for clearing out the tubes a bit (despite being heavily sceptical when dogrando & marnameow were talking about them), but it's not really a regular-all-the-time solution as per what I think you're after.

[lovingboth]

There's an interesting bit in one of Richard Dawkin's books about how humans have evolved to cope with cow's milk just as cows have evolved because of us.