Medical thingy I want

[ciphergoth]

This post is about mucus.

My nose has been not right since birth, and surgery both then and more recently has not entirely fixed the problem. So I produce a lot of mucus. If I swallow it all, it makes me feel ill, but I'm finding my current ways of getting rid of it unsatisfactory.

The device I want is like a jar with two straws sticking out of the lid. One straw is at right angles so I can put it in my mouth, and the other is connected to a pump which sucks air out of the jar. I put the straw in my mouth, press the button, the pump operates, and the mucus goes into the jar. Ideally, the pump stops operating if the jar gets full. Disgustingly, the jar would need to be poured down the loo from time to time, but I'm short of non-disgusting mucus management strategies.

Does such a thing exist? Would it be hard to make? Is there a better option?

Thanks for reading my mucus musings.

Comments

[marnanel.livejournal.com]

Since we're into mild grossness territory already:

I don't have your problem, in most cases. But on the occasions I get a even a slight cold, I have problems which remind me of yours. I have in the past resorted to sucking it down into my mouth, and spitting it into the loo. This appears to me to be equivalent to your idea, except that you would be spitting it into the jar.

This also works beautifully to clear the nose after a severe nosebleed.

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

It's what to do with it after I suck it into my mouth that's the trouble - I don't want to dash off to the loo every five minutes.

[marnanel.livejournal.com]

I see. But if you spat into a jar, and occasionally poured the jar down the loo, wouldn't it be equivalent (use of pressure to clear the nose, and jar as cache) to your proposed solution above?

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

The purpose of the proposal above is to make the process of transferring mucus from mouth to jar less gross for me and witnesses as well as more comfortable and - crucially - more reliable.