"How can you possibly enjoy hurting someone you love?"

[ciphergoth]

Sparkyrie says...
Re: don't be scared

You mean you were there? I certainly haven't been in any kind of similar situation, so maybe that's why I find it so hard to understand. But - *why* do people enjoy being hurt? What is it about pain that has this incredible effect, and how can pain lead to love and happiness? If someone wants to hurt the people they love physically, does that mean they'd enjoy hurting them emotionally as well? How can you possibly enjoy hurting someone you love?

Face to face, I know how to do this explanation, I've done it many, many times. To the blinking cursor in the "reply" box... I'm at a loss.

gothslut? You write about these things so beautifully, maybe you could explain?

Comments

[djm4]

I'm not Elise (obviously), but here's the reply I just posted in the original thread:

The simple answer - the one that made sense to me when I first stared out - is the endorphin rush. You're not getting off on the pain, you're getting off on your body's reaction to the pain.

This makes sense. It's certainly why some people do it, but it's not the whole story.

Some people actively enjoy the sensation of pain. Others enjoy the submission aspect of it - of giving yousrself up to someone else, and trusting them at a very deep level to hurt you just as much as you want to be hurt. Some people like exploring their limits and boundaries.

I enjoy hurting people I love because I know they enjoy being hurt. For me, it really is that simple. I'm amazed I can do it, because if you'd asked me 18 months ago, I'd have said 'no way'.

I've never thought of myself as much of a pain junkie myself, but a couple of months ago I got flogged very close to my limit. I was sobbing and shaking, but strangely elated, and when my lover held me after the scene, I felt closer to her than I've even felt before.

I can't explain it precisely, because it's incredibly personal. It feel different with both my partners - in fact I'd probably have difficulty explaining to one exactly what I feel when I'm doing a scene with the other. It won't feel the same for you, even if you find you like it.

All I can say is that 18 months ago I was saying almost exactly what you are saying now. Then I tried it, slowly, cautiously, then faster and more eagerly, until it felt like the most natural thing in the world.