Do men make the first move?

[ciphergoth]

Reading this fascinating comment thread on Greta Christina's blog:

What counts as “the first move”?

Fair question. I would say “the first overt, unambiguous, verbal move.” I.e., asking someone out, or otherwise making a move that can’t be interpreted as anything other than a move, and that requires an overt response. (The point being that if you toss your hair at someone and they ignore you, you can save face and pretend you weren’t making a first move — but if you say, “Would you like to go out with me?”, that’s not possible, and you have to accept the possibility and indeed the likelihood of overt rejection.)

The stories told there seem somewhat American, even when they're from the pansexual, BDSM Bay Area. How does it work in our community, when a man and a woman hook up?

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not poly, I am kinky, but you wouldn't think it.

The last time I made a move it was pretty blatant. He was crashing on my sofa. He was wrapped in a duvet. I said goodnight, and bent to hug him. His skin was so soft and beautiful, and I lingered a little longer than I should.

Suddenly our eyes were fixed so intently on one another, and I asked "show me". He nodded, and I lifted back the covers to see his beautiful naked body spread before me. He was glorious, with only the slightest hint of shyness as he rearranged himself for me.

Something in the way he had let the covers slip off his shoulders let me know it was ok, later he confessed this had been purposeful. So much of it is about social cues.

If he said no I think I'd have been mortified, and hugely apologetic, yet I was betraying my husband in what I did. Somehow I don't feel bad about that, and I really should, but what happened felt very pure, not evil and wrong. It was incredibly charged, electric.

I really shouldn't think about him. It nearly ended my marriage to a very good man. My not-quite lover and I were so wrong for one another; but sometimes I still take the memory out, like a secret treasure, and feel the eroticism of those stolen moments, the look in his eyes, the velvet of his skin, the taste of his cock.