Do men make the first move?

[ciphergoth]

Reading this fascinating comment thread on Greta Christina's blog:

What counts as “the first move”?

Fair question. I would say “the first overt, unambiguous, verbal move.” I.e., asking someone out, or otherwise making a move that can’t be interpreted as anything other than a move, and that requires an overt response. (The point being that if you toss your hair at someone and they ignore you, you can save face and pretend you weren’t making a first move — but if you say, “Would you like to go out with me?”, that’s not possible, and you have to accept the possibility and indeed the likelihood of overt rejection.)

The stories told there seem somewhat American, even when they're from the pansexual, BDSM Bay Area. How does it work in our community, when a man and a woman hook up?

Comments

Re: Non-fluffy comment

[juliet]

Yep, I got that reaction too; gave up reading after 20 or so comments because of the overwhelming POOR ME tone of all the responses; and very much in agreement with the rest of your thoughts on that.

I think the last couple of times I've hooked up at all with men (whether that's been a snog or what turned into an ongoing relationship) it's been me who made the first move. That's not universally been the case, though; some of both, I guess?