Extraordinary evil R us

[ciphergoth]

courtesy of NTK

http://www.coincidencedesign.com/

She is the perfect woman. Stunningly attractive. Walks gracefully. Dresses tastefully. Has a nice laugh. And an even nicer physique. Can make intelligent conversation. Doesn't throw tantrums. Maybe she can even skydive.

WHO IS SHE?

She is your DREAM WIFE.

You've found success; you drive an expensive car, own a mansion, and have money to burn. On top of all this, you're fairly young, you work out, and can make witty remarks. But you haven't found your dream wife yet. The women you date don't live up to your image of the ideal woman.

You've seen her, though. Maybe you've noticed her in a restaurant, or in the lobby of a hotel. Maybe you passed her on the sidewalk a few months ago. Then again, maybe you have yet to catch a glimpse of her.

So what now?

You won't meet her via the classifieds or a dating agency, because her kind don't go there. You can't just walk up to her and utter some silly pick-up line, because she'd rightly despise you if you did. Even if you do have the good fortune to meet her at a wedding or a business meeting, you'll be disappointed to find out that she's already with someone else. It would be useless anyway; guys are hitting on girls like her all the time.

What's left? You aren't some law-breaking psycho. You can't STALK her.

But WE CAN.

We can bug her phone. We can use a clever pretext to interview roommates and classmates from her past and colleagues and girlfriends from her present. We can send an agent to check out her relatives. We can go through her mail and filter her email. We can search her apartment and squeeze information from previous boyfriends. Then,

We'll design a 'COINCIDENCE'.

We can arrange for the two of you to first meet at a convention, and then -- a few weeks later -- end up, coincidentally, seated next to each other on a trans-Atlantic flight. Or find yourselves, coincidentally, trapped in an elevator together.

SHE will start talking to you.

Guaranteed! And when you start chatting, you'll draw on data we fed you beforehand. Say that you hate pumpkins but do like The Smashing Pumpkins, whereupon she'll excitedly exclaim that she feels precisely the same. One thing will lead to another, and...

We don't script love stories made for movies. All we do is provide the initial spark to make it all happen: We design coincidences. Think of it as evening out the distribution of luck in the world.

and later

FAQ

Q.
Tapping phones is illegal. How can you say on your web site that you will bug someone's phones?

A.
Yes, tapping phones is usually illegal, but there is nothing illegal about the statements on this web site. Firstly, we are merely stating that we CAN tap someone's phones. This is not illegal and not untrue, since we do indeed possess the technical ability to tap phones.