Reading over other people's shoulders

[ciphergoth]

I can't help it. No matter how I try, I will always find myself glancing at what my fellow passengers are reading - their books, their newspapers, sometimes their drafts of the romantic novels they are writing.

What I find strangest is the way they seem to resent it so. Ok, this is understandable if what you're reading is a love letter, or even a text message, and in these cases I try extra hard to avert my eyes. But "Vernon God Little"?

Your efforts to angle the pages to shield them from my eyes, while trying to pretend that's not what you're doing, are incredibly pathetic and laugable. Are you frightened that the very letters will fly from the page into my eyes, denying you the pleasure of reading them? Or do you see the book as a hard-won trophy of your ability to pay for it, and thus resent sharing access to even fragments of a page? (This latter explanation, ludicrous as it may seem, is supported by the observation that Metro readers appear to be somewhat less rabidly propertarian over their reading material).

The other surprising thing I infer from their horrified reaction is that not everyone does this. How do you avoid it? Unless I have a book or a paper of my own, my eyes will wander for some interest, and attempts to corral them only hold then in briefly. I'm not allowed to stare at my fellow passengers - eyes must point firmly down, that rule I don't forget - and so it is on the reading matter that I inevitably feast - or at least, snack guiltily.

I'm listening in on your phone conversations too. But I'm sorry to report that in the brief time that we were sat together, the gentleman who inspired this little rant did not have the good grace to glance at my mobile phone and discover that I was writing about him. Pah!

Comments

[hughe.livejournal.com]

when i used to travel on the tube twice a day i'd always obviously read other people's metros.

they would then give me a dirty look for reading their paper.

then they would look embarrassed for giving me a dirty look for reading their free paper.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_nicolai_/]

The alternative view (not an ad hominem attack):

The idiot economics of the industry I work in and this country's manic focus on London and surroundings as the only place to be have forced me and 170 other people into this overcrowded train carriage to travel to my job (that I may keep paying for my overpriced house). I am forced to spend so much time travelling that I have to read my private email and documents on the train, it is the only time available for me to communicate. I resent that, and everyone who makes my life this unpleasant. Give me a little remaining privacy in some of my waking hours or I will resent you too because you are making my existence more unpleasant.

they can still shove this job at the end of the month

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

I read over people's shoulders too. I can't help it. There are words, and they want to be in my brain.

[dennyd.livejournal.com]

How perfectly phrased. Can I steal that for a .sig?

[morgan99.livejournal.com]

I'm always flattered when I notice people reading my books or papers - it makes me feel like an interesting person, the holder of secrets - lol!

Perhaps it is a personal space/territorial or anxiety thing, that varies from person to person.

Oh dear, you've got the psychology student in me thinking now... It would be fun to do some kind of study on this phenomenon. Psychologists in the past appeared to love nothing more than pissing people off all day in the name of science! Pity they have all those ethical rules now, bah! ;-)

B x

[altamira16.livejournal.com]

If someone's reading over your shoulder, do you still turn the page when you normally would or do you wait for them to finish? Do you feel guilty about not letting them finish?

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

It takes an effort of will to turn the page when it suits me, but I can hardly ask if they've finished...

[booklectica]

I have to admit that I hate it when people read over my shoulder. Marcus always does it, to me and other people, and that makes me uncomfortable too. Now you mention it I'm not sure why I react that way - it just feels like an invasion of privacy, though I realise it's not intended to be. Especially when I'm reading a book, but then I can be a little odd about books.

I don't read over other people's shoulders either, because I always have a book with me.

[envoy.livejournal.com]

Heeee!

http://www.bash.org/?8814

I love bash.org.

[juliet]

In general, I don't like people reading over my shoulder (it makes me twitch). However, I think I mind it less in crowded tube/train carriages - possibly because I'm much less likely really to notice the invasion of personal space, because there's *already* half a dozen people in my personal space.

[sterroneous.livejournal.com]

I had a coherent response prepared, but suddenly realised you're just baiting us for comments.

Ooh, you LJ whore, you..

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

I'm so not! OK, I'm doing the deliberatly flowery writing thing, but I hadn't expected quite so many comments...

...so comment away :-)

[lovelybug.livejournal.com]

Got the whore bit right though... :P

[some-fox.livejournal.com]

*giggle*
I do this and noticed the Metro effect too.
And I play 'who would I shag' and I analyse the emerging masculinity of groups of children based on eavesdropping their conversation when angelmine is there too.

[djm4]

It's an invasion of 'my space'. I know that's irrational, but then, for me, the reaction is involuntary. I don't consciously think 'the person next to me is reading the page of my book, so I must angle it away so that they can't', I just tend to do it instinctively. I can't seem to train myself out of it. I think, in a way, the person is intruding on the very personal and intimate world that I build in my head when I'm reading something, but that might just be a rationalisation.

I do it to other people. Like you, I find it hard to stop my eyes latching onto something. But, when I do it, I usually feel furtive and as though I'm intruding.

I don't particularly want to be that way, but I can't seem to shake the habit.

[trishpiglet.livejournal.com]

I do that also. If someone wants to look at my paper over my shoulder I sometimes move it so they can get a better look. I'll only jealously guard what I'm reading if it's smut or something I'm writing.

I'm not allowed to stare at my fellow passengers

We're not allowed? I do that all the time. I look down the carriage and rate each commuter on their dress sense. I imagine the taste police getting on at each stop to throw any dress sense offenders off the train. Have to exercise some caution in not saying things aloud, however; I said "that's a nice top" to Simon when this woman got on the tube recently and she smiled and said "thank you" but it could have been worse.

Oh, and the phone conversations - people forget they're somewhere public. Have been guilty of that myself sometimes.

Love to you xxxxxxx

[hieroglyphe.livejournal.com]

Oh, and the phone conversations - people forget they're somewhere public.

Or in my case I was once quite happily chatting fairly loudly about my sex life on the bus and failed to notice that all the old biddies were staring at me whilst I really got into a blow by blow detailed account of sexploits. Said friends didn't deign to point this out to me till we got off the bus :-|

[barking-watcher.livejournal.com]

Because I know it can be intimidating, I normally try not to reading anything belonging to people sitting next on the tube/bus/train.

Instead I attempt to glean some information from the newspaper headlines of the person 3 seats away. I know that some people still object to this because on one noteworthy occasion, the newspaper owner was so upset by me reading the back of their paper, they deliberately folded the paper in such away that they could read a particular article and all I was left staring at was the back of their hands.

[jhg.livejournal.com]

I only try to hide it if I'm reading sadboy Doctor Who stuff - at least I used to try to hide it, these days I don't bother.


J

[fire-sermon.livejournal.com]

I used to find reading Who stuff great for people leaving you alone on trains - just brandish a copy of DWM and people leave the seat next to you empty...

[keirf.livejournal.com]

I don't normally mind people reading over my shoulder. But there was this one time on the train from Bedford to London when I was reading the Naked Lunch, and someone was reading it over my shoulder and I felt distinctly uncomfortable.

[thekumquat.livejournal.com]

I get so engrossed in reading that I've never noticed anyone reading over my shoulder, though people must have.

I read what people next to me are reading all the time, but I don't lean over them, I just turn my eyeballs. And have to restrain myself from sighing when they take 15 minutes to turn a page...

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

Hey, it's not as if I'm craning in over their shoulder for a better look. All it seems to take is an unconcious glance or two from my normal sitting position for the walls to go up...

[thekumquat.livejournal.com]

Yes - that's what I find odd - how can they *tell* that the person sitting next to them is making the odd glance at them? Unless they're simultaneously making glances at the people next to them to check whether they're looking at them, or if the shoulder-readers people are complaining about are the ones who do lean over and make it more obvious.

[booklectica]

Isn't that the auto-kinetic sense (if I have that right)? The one that means you can tell where your hand is and also means you know when people are watching you?

I could have this completely wrong. dr_d will probably know.

[thekumquat.livejournal.com]

The auto-kinetic thing is how you know where your hand is in space (my sense of it is fairly crap). But that's part of you - I have no idea how people can tell if other people are looking at them/their book unless they're looking at the other people. Can you?

[booklectica]

I think I can - maybe out of the corner of my eye. Might make this a post and canvass opinion on whether people can tell they're being watched...

[dr-d.livejournal.com]

I tend to react negatively to people reading over my shoulder in public space. I think it's something to do with how I cope with having more strangers around me than I feel designed to cope with. I tend to feel that we weren't built to cope with hundreds of people in close proximity - our brains haven't evolved that far from when we existed in small, close-knit groups. Too many strag=ngers (like in the tube) and I feel overwhelmed, hemmed in and "invaded" (an interestingly hind-brain response).

I cope by doing my best to tune them out, finding something to focus on so I can pretend I'm not corralled in a small space with too many other bodies. If someone then reads over my shoulder it breaks this focus and brings me back to the uncomfortable reality. Suddenly I can't just exist inside my own head, but feel forced to consider theirs as well, which makes me aware of how many other strangers I'm currently close to. The feeling of being invaded gets focused on the person who broke the spell, hence my tendency to be annoyed with them.

Yours in full work-avoidance mode.

[purplerabbits.livejournal.com]

Thank you for phrasing it so clearly: that's exactly what I get, and it's much worse when I feel claustrophobic anyway.

[arkady.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's different for other people, but as a child I had it very firmly drummed into me that reading over someone else's shoulder was incredibly rude and a shocking breach of manners.

It's an invasion of personal space - and quite frankly I hate it even if a friend does it, let alone a stranger. If the offender is a friend I'm more likely to say something about it than just resort to an icy stare.

[pavlos.livejournal.com]

Fellow passengers? There are other passengers in the tube?