I'll also add a couple of points about use of jargon...
"on a breadboard" ... you and I know what this means, but many won't
"proving correctness" ... similarly (eg. you mean you'd design something that was incorrect? hmmmn.)
"application which OCRed" ... again (and usually written "OCR'd" if you really must leave the initials in)
plus "The Edinburgh CS degree is highly regarded" .. by whom? so what? are the immediate questions here. Either the reader knows this already or they'll think it as over-egging the pudding.
also, including leisure interests is generally only done by school or college leavers - it is now unnecessary with your demonstrable track record but could again serve to 'include you out' if the reader dislikes goths, etc. if they don't know what it means.
I'd also reinforce thekumquat's point about your over-use of 'I'. Generally, current received wisdom is to get nearer the active third person and reduce the 'I did' 'I was' etc wheneverpossible.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
Re: No sooner said than ...
Date: 2003-07-04 07:27 am (UTC)"on a breadboard" ... you and I know what this means, but many won't
"proving correctness" ... similarly (eg. you mean you'd design something that was incorrect? hmmmn.)
"application which OCRed" ... again (and usually written "OCR'd" if you really must leave the initials in)
plus "The Edinburgh CS degree is highly regarded" .. by whom? so what? are the immediate questions here. Either the reader knows this already or they'll think it as over-egging the pudding.
also, including leisure interests is generally only done by school or college leavers - it is now unnecessary with your demonstrable track record but could again serve to 'include you out' if the reader dislikes goths, etc. if they don't know what it means.
I'd also reinforce