Especially cause I frequently have 'yes, but..' bits when I'm talking to poly friends, which I think means there's something I'm missing/not understanding/some difference in axioms that I'm not aware of.
I don't think poly is wrong, I see it as a way of living your life which makes a lot of sense, but I don't feel it is for me.
I could go on about a time when I've tried it and been unhappy but that isn't really true. What actually happened was I was seeing someone, I wanted it to be exclusive, he didn't, I pretended I was OK with it so the sex wouldn't stop, I was miserable. I don't think that was really poly/non-monogamy/whatever - it was people not being honest with each *and* accepting things that weren't really what they wanted.
Which brings me to your scenario. I would say no. I'm not sure why, beyond *knowing* it would make me unhappy and I think that's a good enough reason. I could try to justify the unhappiness with stuff like what you mentioned above or with insecurity (fear the other person would be 'better' at sex than me) but it really isn't that clear. I dunno if this is the 'pure' form of jealousy you're talking about, but it is why I'm monogamous.
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timeasmymeasure
Sorry for jumping in here...
Date: 2002-06-06 05:59 am (UTC)Especially cause I frequently have 'yes, but..' bits when I'm talking to poly friends, which I think means there's something I'm missing/not understanding/some difference in axioms that I'm not aware of.
I don't think poly is wrong, I see it as a way of living your life which makes a lot of sense, but I don't feel it is for me.
I could go on about a time when I've tried it and been unhappy but that isn't really true. What actually happened was I was seeing someone, I wanted it to be exclusive, he didn't, I pretended I was OK with it so the sex wouldn't stop, I was miserable. I don't think that was really poly/non-monogamy/whatever - it was people not being honest with each *and* accepting things that weren't really what they wanted.
Which brings me to your scenario. I would say no. I'm not sure why, beyond *knowing* it would make me unhappy and I think that's a good enough reason. I could try to justify the unhappiness with stuff like what you mentioned above or with insecurity (fear the other person would be 'better' at sex than me) but it really isn't that clear. I dunno if this is the 'pure' form of jealousy you're talking about, but it is why I'm monogamous.