Lies My Parents Told Me

[ciphergoth]

meta asks for stories of lies your parents told you, here:

http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?journal=meta&itemid=119465

I thought this was an interesting question worth propogating!

My parent's weren't the sort to lie, but I've come to realise that a lot of the things my Dad told me that I took on faith were a bit misconcieved. He believed that a stitch from running was the result of ribs rubbing up against each other. It wasn't 'till years later that I got a stitch again and realised that it couldn't possibly be that and it felt much more like a muscle cramp...

Now it's your turn. Tell us about a bizarre or stupid lie your parents told you.

Comments

[rainbowskye.livejournal.com]

When I was at Uni my best friend and I were in the kitchen and I was ferreting around in the cupboard for something to eat while we were cooking. I broke off a couple of bits of cooking chocolate and Gail looked horrified as I started eating it and said 'JULIE! you'll get worms..' I looked at her in a puzzled way and asked why, and she said, 'Well my mum always said that if you ate the cooking chocolate before you melted it it would give you worms..'....
Joolz xx

[kyte.livejournal.com]

You can see why they told us some of these things, can't you?

Only such one I can recall is when I asked what a virgin was, and my Dad looked awkward and told me that it was someone who wasn't married yet...

[adjectivemarcus.livejournal.com]

Drinking orange squash and milk would make you vomit - tried it years later when trying to get out of work early, was quite nice.

[booklectica]

The first time I told my mother I was bisexual, she said 'No, you're not, you're heterosexual' quite firmly. This did not have any lasting effect on my life. :)

They did have a go at claiming Father Christmas existed, and when I caught them filling my stocking they claimed to be Santa's little helpers. (Making them subordinate clauses...)

My dad also made a brave attempt to be the Tooth Fairy and even answered the questionnaire I left out for her one night.

a past conversation. I am 18, my mum 48...

[ajva.livejournal.com]

My Mum: So what do you do with your girlfriend then? (I had just come out to her, she was curious)
Me: Well, all sorts of stuff, like [blah blah blah rough description of some sex stuff...] oh, and not forgetting of course, oral sex.
My Mum (horrified): What! That's Gamahuche! You realise that was the sin for which Gomorrah was destroyed, don't you?
Me (flabbergasted): ...

OTOH, one of the best pieces of advice I ever got from anyone came from my Dad. I must have been pretty young when he told me this too, maybe about 8? He said "Well, of course, you shouldn't lie and blah blah blah and I'm not saying you should etc. BUT!!!! If you do lie - LIE TO THE END!"

Sterling stuff from my Dad the realist. Even just the acknowledgement that it was possible to do such a thing and not be a bad person is an unusual message for a little girl to be taught. :o)

Re: a past conversation. I am 18, my mum 48...

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

Cool, your mum used the word Gamahuche in all seriousness! How's it pronounced? I've been pronouncing it gamm-OUSH...

Have you seen the Red Hanky Panky about it?

Re: a past conversation. I am 18, my mum 48...

[ajva.livejournal.com]

I have indeed seen the Red Hanky Panky in question. In fact, it had never occurred to me to wonder how it was spelt until I saw it written down there! "gamma hoosh" is the correct (if somewhat unimaginitive) pronunciation I think.

Anytime I see or thinkj of it I think: "Gamahuche! Gamahuche! Will you do the fandango!"

etc.

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

Oddly my father has expressed similar sentiments about lying. I think it's 'cause he's an actor.
It's stood me in good stead, anyway. ~g~

E.
x

Re: a past conversation. I am 18, my mum 48...

[adjectivegail]

Anytime I see or thinkj of it I think: "Gamahuche! Gamahuche! Will you do the fandango!"
*falls about laughing hysterically*

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

*laughs*... of course it's one of those strategies that seems more effective than it is, because people stop challenging you...

[adjectivegail]

*grins* whereas my brother has been known to comment, tell the truth - then there's less to remember.

[purplerabbits.livejournal.com]

I think most of the lies my mum told me were religious nonsense, old wives tales or other things that she really believed. Famous examples include:-

• You get piles from sitting on radiators.
  
• You spoil your eyesight by reading in the dark.
  
• Coca cola will dissolve your teeth (ain't happened yet).
  
• If you walk along with your coat over your arm men will think you're a prostitute and proposition you (this when I was 13 and in hideous brown school uniform).
  
• If you tell the secondary school that you've read all the famous five books in your interview they'll think your stupid and won't let you in.
  
• And the most harmful one: "when you get to my age you don't feel happiness any more like children do, you just feel a bit better or a bit worse". For years I thought the symptoms of depression were just ordinary aging.

Oh, and my maternal grandmother told me that if I wore green the fairies would steal me and never let me go home again. I tried it, but it didn't work.

[alienspacebat.livejournal.com]

I remember catching my mum out with the tooth fairy, and then inferring that Santa and the Easter Bunny didn't exist. Damn she had a lot of explaining to get out of that one as I really played it up. 'You mean you LIED to me? You've been lying all this time? How could you?'

I caught her by pretending to be asleep with my hand under my pillow holding the tooth and when she put her hand underneath I grabbed her hand and screamed 'Help' for added effect. I think she seriously thought that I had been scared out my mind

Re: a past conversation. I am 18, my mum 48...

[alienspacebat.livejournal.com]

gamahuche (ga-ma-hoosh) v. The act of cunning your partner’s lingus. See French.

(from Roger's Profanisaurus (http://www.viz.co.uk/profanisaurus/profanis.htm)

Re: a past conversation. I am 18, my mum 48...

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

besides which, we all know that the sin of Gomorrah is unexpectedly playing the bagpipes directly behind someone who is trying to urinate.

[alienspacebat.livejournal.com]

But coca cola will dissolve your teeth. I remember doing this as an experiment at school. We dropped teeth in coke to see what would happen and within a few hours they were gone.

Thing is that this only happens if the enamel is broken and the coke is in contact for a reasonable time

[booklectica]

Oh, and my maternal grandmother told me that if I wore green the fairies would steal me and never let me go home again.

That's definitely the best one yet. Do you have any idea why she told you this, and if she genuinely believed it?

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

Humm, others who have tried this experiment report very different results...

http://www.snopes2.com/cokelore/tooth.htm

is there any possibility it was fixed by a zealous teacher?

[adjectivemarcus.livejournal.com]

Oh, and of course the eternal "Cracking your knuckles causes arthritis."

Nope.

[purplerabbits.livejournal.com]

She was Irish, and I think it was genuine Irishfolklore that she'd been told as a child. I doubt she believed it by then, but she never wore green, either...

[adjectivegail]

well, after i decided the tooth fairy didn't exist, i did this experiment myself at home - we never got soft drinks when we were kids, so i said it was an experiment for school *grins*
anyway, after about 24hrs the tooth was definitely pitted and stained and generally rather miserable looking.
hasn't put me off drinking coke, though.

Re: a past conversation. I am 18, my mum 48...

[adjectivegail]

*blinks* *jaw drops* *falls about laughing* you what?!?

*hysterics*

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

Wow! I was cracking my knuckles as this arrived in my mailbox, and I'd always believed this. thanks!

lies

[sanjibabes.livejournal.com]

Like being told that eating sugar butties would make potatoes grow behind my ears and so I never ate another after feeling the bumps behind my ears.

Or being told on Xmas Eve that Santa had had a crash with an aeroplane and died.

joy.

Re: lies

[adjectivegail]

*grins* you reminded me. my brother and i grew up with our three cousins; he's the oldest of the five of us. it was a family rule that you finished every meal with fruit, and he used to really upset the littles by telling them that if they swallowed the seeds, the fruit would grow a tree in their stomachs.

well, i mean, would you like a watermelon growing in your stomach? and there are a lot of seeds in a watermelon...