Well, I guess it's a short step from the S to the M, so to speak (or rather vice versa) because if you know that your lover enjoys being hurt, then I guess you wouldn't find it so difficult to hurt them.
The idea of stripping pretences is very interesting too. Actually I've now thought of another idea. I've often thought that many "normal" relationships are about a kind of sadism on an emotional level: say one person adores the other, but the adoration is returned only half-heartedly. In that case, the second person possesses complete power over the first - they know their partner will never leave them, and they enjoy that security, but they also enjoy the dominance of being independent of their partner, whilst he/she is completely dependent on them. And in a way, they get off on their partner's insecurity and jealousy/possessiveness, whilst their partner somehow revels in the opportunity to be hurt, to receive less than what they give, to be strung around the other person's finger...I've actually had a relationship like that, where I was the weak, dependent one, and although it was horrible, somehow a part of me almost *wanted* to find out that my partner had done another hurtful thing, cheated on me, or whatever...
So maybe all of us have some kind of instinct that attracts us towards pain in some way.
Are you at Cambridge by the way? From reading Elise's journal, it sounds like I'm going to have some pretty unbelievable experiences when I get there!! (*If* I get there, that is, 'cause I'm not too confident about how my A-levels are going, but...)
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timeasmymeasure
Re:
Date: 2001-06-13 11:13 am (UTC)The idea of stripping pretences is very interesting too. Actually I've now thought of another idea. I've often thought that many "normal" relationships are about a kind of sadism on an emotional level: say one person adores the other, but the adoration is returned only half-heartedly. In that case, the second person possesses complete power over the first - they know their partner will never leave them, and they enjoy that security, but they also enjoy the dominance of being independent of their partner, whilst he/she is completely dependent on them. And in a way, they get off on their partner's insecurity and jealousy/possessiveness, whilst their partner somehow revels in the opportunity to be hurt, to receive less than what they give, to be strung around the other person's finger...I've actually had a relationship like that, where I was the weak, dependent one, and although it was horrible, somehow a part of me almost *wanted* to find out that my partner had done another hurtful thing, cheated on me, or whatever...
So maybe all of us have some kind of instinct that attracts us towards pain in some way.
Are you at Cambridge by the way? From reading Elise's journal, it sounds like I'm going to have some pretty unbelievable experiences when I get there!! (*If* I get there, that is, 'cause I'm not too confident about how my A-levels are going, but...)