Paul Crowley (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ciphergoth) wrote2002-08-28 12:33 am
ciphergoth) wrote2002-08-28 12:33 am
BDSM checklists?
I've made some modifications to the standard Tammad Rimilia BDSM checklist and made my version available here:
http://www.ciphergoth.org/writing/bdsm-checklist.txt
Checklists like this can be a useful tool in negotiation, and spur you on to doing new and interesting things. A list a little like this was certainly a good thing when I started playing with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ergotia and lilithmagna, and it was particularly fun when we happened across the list a couple of years later and found we'd done most of the things I was attracted to :-)
What do you think of lists like this? What do you think of this variant? Is it comprehensible, would it be useful, can it be improved? As a bottom or a top, how would you raise the idea of using such a list? And does anyone know what "Strapping" is?
http://www.ciphergoth.org/writing/bdsm-checklist.txt
Checklists like this can be a useful tool in negotiation, and spur you on to doing new and interesting things. A list a little like this was certainly a good thing when I started playing with
ergotia and lilithmagna, and it was particularly fun when we happened across the list a couple of years later and found we'd done most of the things I was attracted to :-)What do you think of lists like this? What do you think of this variant? Is it comprehensible, would it be useful, can it be improved? As a bottom or a top, how would you raise the idea of using such a list? And does anyone know what "Strapping" is?
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hugs
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I think checklists are an extremely good thing in play, tho' for interests of brievity (and for us "try out new possibilties" ppl) I'd say squick lists are the most valuable ones. That list is fairly comprehensive, tho' there is no trampling there. I'm sure there is *always* something that could be added tho' - "write-in" should definitely be encouraged with these kindds of lists.. I'd raise the idea of using a list if I was playing with someone I didn't know very well - tho' I do remember that when I saw a copy of Soph's squick list there were a few things I might not have guessed, despite thinking I knew her playing likes/dislike moderately well.
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Soph's list is public ("some of it is moderately gruesome"): http://www.arxana.demon.co.uk/list.htm
Yes, trampling isn't in there. I wonder whether it makes more sense to add it, or to pare down the list to take out other equally specialised activities? A shorter list can be intimidating in its own way - I like to hope that the sheer length makes it clear you can't be into everything, and people are more likely to tick an activity on the list than to write one in.
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I don't have time to look at this one in detail, I'm afraid, but "Strapping (full body beating)" means systematically beating all safe areas of the body. I don't think the implement has to be a strap, but I can see why it would be a popular choice - it gives more control than many others.
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"strapping"
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I'd probably prefer to print out the list and have a face-to-face discussion with my partner about it; that would feel a little more fluid and a little less... I don't know. Organised?
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Hey, baby....
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I think the basic checklist should contain yes,no and maybe categories, and should be fairly extensive re listing activities (just seeing a long pervy list can be a thrill in my experience, and can turn the negotiation into a scene in itself) but leave plenty of space for write - ins. It is I suppose quite possible that presenting a novice with a huge checklist could send them screaming for the hills though.......anyone had that experience?
Personally I find checklists etc a huge turn-on, and I am considering getting one of my little geeks to set me up a directory for keeping detailed files on all my subs :)
luv and hisssssssssssseessssssssssss
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But fortunately these days I just force myself, and in most cases manage to do it. :o)
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Though that actually kind of supports the reason why I'm not sure about checklists: what I like and don't like changes hourly and according to whom I'm playing with. So a checklist wouldn't necessarily be much use in my case. (Though it could still be interesting and helpful to some extent.)
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xxx
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The main reason I'm unsure is that when I started playing with Marcus, we both made lists for each other about what we did and didn't like doing. Three years on, we've done with each other most of the things we thought we didn't like, and enjoyed them thoroughly.
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They're usually named "The X Gates of Hell" where X is the number of smaller rings for the penis. The cockring at the base is larger for mooring purposes.
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The list as you've set it out would be easy to fill in. Strapping is usually a 'full body' beating with something flexible.
Personally I don't find checklists to be useful for initial negociation. I don't know what most of my limits will be with a specific person until I have played with them a few times.
I find it more useful to discuss styles of play and to explain why I have certain hard limits.
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Nice idea. But how do you choose what to leave out? Maybe each top should have a personalised list including only the fetishes they're most familiar with... hmmm... must transfer fetish list into Palm Pilot for editing down during holiday.
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